Mama:Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything so perfectly?

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy….

Hey Mama, Have you ever been told you are your own worst enemy? I know I have several times. The more time I have spent being a mama, seeing mama’s in therapy, and building a business online connecting with other mama’s I have seen how hard we can be on ourselves. We get anxious, we get stressed out,  and we place high expectations on ourselves (sometimes unachievable ones at that.  We push ourselves past our limits or we forget to set a limit for ourselves. And why do we do this? Well let’s think about this for a second as partners and spouses in a relationship we learn there are expectations of ourselves and our partners in order to nurture each other’s needs right…then when we make the decision to bring little humans into the world, into our homes, in to our arms, and in to our hearts that comfy routine, that endless quality time, those expectations, and having some sense of direction in our lives tends to get blown out of the water.

  All of sudden we are faced with more “Multitasking” than ever before. We have little cries, diapers, bottles, cleaning, trips to the doctor, trying to document all these moments, laundry, oh and dinner at some point right everyone might want to eat, oh and don’t forget your partner they might be feeling left out  these days that go by in a blur, oh and then we are supposed to be taking care of ourselves…..ya right what on earth does that mean lol. Some days especially in those early stages its hard to remember if you slept more than 2 hours, if you have eaten anything recently, and you may just have washed you hair with facewash again, that is if you get a shower.   As long as everyone is still alive and fed at the end of the day that should be an acceptable goal right?!  How are we supposed to put ourselves (dare I say) first once and a while. How do we find balance between work, play dates, basketball games, Christmas concerts, ….how do we not feel selfish asking our partners for help after they might have worked all day, may have hard a hard day, may be already doing things for us, how do we set aside our negative thoughts about ourselves. Bottom line is how to we give ourselves a break…

First tell yourself Mama that your worth your own time. Hijack all of that negative self talk in your internal dialogue. Watch for self loathing thoughts. These can come in many forms like calling yourself names, putting yourself down, or constantly discrediting or questioning yourself. This takes time and practice. Your not going to stop doing this all at once if you have done it for a period of time or if you learned to do this from a negative relationship in your life. Second, start telling yourself what you can do, what your good at, what your capable of, and watch the weight lift off your shoulders. In therapy we call these positive affirmations and positive self talk. Start with small changes I “can’t” to I “can”. I’m no good at this to I might be good at this. If you have identified that this is something you struggle with find your starting point, start practicing small changes, and set this as goal for this beautiful new year ahead of you.

Stop feeling guilty for thinking about what you need. Stop feeling guilty for asking for help. Stop feeling guilty for taking time my dear. Taking care of yourself allows you to to be your best self for you, your children, your partner, and helps you be present in all areas of your life. What would it feel like to be fully engaged in what your doing without feeling distracted? It is possible Mama, through good self care, setting boundaries, and mindfulness skills you can achieve what you believe.

Stay tuned for future post on setting boundaries for ourselves, how to confront our fears and live anxiety free, and how to forgive ourselves. Happy living, Happy laughing, Happy loving Mamas. Until next time!

-XoXo