This picture might seem like an odd choice for this blog post because it looks like a grocery list or to do list I am writing. In reality it is not mine. I happened to order a book that I’m reading with my fitness group written by Gabrielle Bernstein called May Cause Miracles. Fantastic read so far but in the book I found a to do list and a grocery list written by another mama. And I found this so cool. I was getting a secret window into someone else’s “mama brain” as they were planning what looks to be a camping trip. It’s now my book mark as I read. I only shared part of the grocery list or packing list so to speak. But it made me realize that we “mamas” are more alike than we think sometimes. Sure we have our own moms, our friends, and family that we can relate to. But some of us don’t expand our circle of trust very far. Sometimes we assume that we know what the other person is going through, we think “they” can’t relate to us, we assume they have no idea how “hard our life is”. Trust me been there…I’m a Twin Mom…when I hear another mom say I know exactly what your going through but they don’t have twins my gut reaction is “wait what”. BUT that is me catching myself (put away Judgy Jess) and tell myself well wait a minute everyone has their own journey and struggle in parenting. I can remember being just as stressed with my first born as I can with the twins. It’s all about perception. And when I think my life is all of a sudden more difficult I remember my triplet Mama friends and everything in my head becomes very balanced once again lol.
I find myself wondering how many people I’ve judged before I actually thought about what they might be going through…I read this quote and shared it the other night that said “don’t judge people for the choices they make when you don’t know the options they had to choose from”. It was shared from another source so I’m not sure who the original writer is but it is perfect. How many times do we feel judged by someone else for what we do especially as a Mom. Until we have walked in their shoes and experienced what they have gone through we have no room to Judge them. Its terrible how we tear each other down some in person some on social media so easily when we really have NO IDEA what is going on off this screen we are all looking at. Have you ever seen a post about a controversial topic and you find yourself scrolling through all the comments just to get a whiff of the drama you know is lurking. You get your “I came here just for the comments”, the haters, the empathizers/supporters, and we will just put everyone else in an n/a category. Let’s not do this in real life Mamas. Let’smake meaningful connections. Let’s build each other up not tear each other down. Let’s raise beautiful, little people that who know how to communicate with other, empathize with each other, and be kind to one another.
I often hear patients tell me I’m afraid to do that because I’ve been hurt. I’m afraid to put myself out there for fear of being judged, fear of being rejected again, fear of being hurt, or fear of failing. That self doubt creeps in and we start that negative self loathing talk. “I can’t do this”. “I’m not good at this”. “I’m going to screw this up”. “I’m not worth anyone’s time”. And a lot of these fears are rooted from negative experiences from our earlier years. No I’m not going to say hop on the couch and tell me about your childhood. But I am going to tell you that experiences like being criticized for a long period of time can cause self doubt and low self esteem. I am going to tell you that being verbally or emotionally abused can cause high levels of anxiety, insecurity, and cause people to question their every move. So how do we move on from these fears that keep us anchored to a negative past experience. You confront them Mama and face them head on. First, you acknowledge that they exist. Second you identify what they are. Third you look at the damage they are doing in your adult life to your interpersonal relationships, to your work life, and to your personal development. Once you have this self assessment you begin to develop your action plan. Now be patient there my dear acknowledging fear and looking at how it affects your life can be a very intimidating experience. Give yourself sometime to process what this information means to you. Happy fear hunting my Mama Friends. Stay tuned for my future blog post on how to Confront Fears.
In the mean time I hope this amazing Mama enjoyed what looked to be a camping trip or vacation somewhere. Thanks for the reminder that other Mamas make lists to and need reminders it certainly settled me down this week!
Happy Living, Happy Laughing, Happy Loving!