How many of my mama friends out there are step-mamas like me? I’ve met a lot of mamas through my journey of helping others over the years. We mamas come from all walks of life to into our children’s life whether by blood or by choice your still a mama my dear❤️ My journey as a step mom started 6 years ago when I met my husband for the first time I learned he had a daughter 18 months older than my 3 year old son. I had always wanted a girl and soon enough I had a hazel eyed little peanut watching my every move.
Hales and I clicked. We quickly became good friends and it was clear our bond would be more than that as time passed. As my husband and I got married and blended this beautiful blessing I get to call family. My role as “stepmom” came with a lot of ups and downs as does any change. There were boundaries in parenting all of a sudden that I didn’t have before. How much do I do, how much is to much, how much is to little? Do we parent them the same? What do we do about discipline she isn’t “mine” (I kept thinking I can’t do that) Who is going to take care of things cause I’m kind of the one who runs the household? But I can’t really make decisions it. needs to be a triplet consideration (her father, her mother, and me if needed) 🤔 how do I develop a relationship with her mom and make sure I’m doing things the way she wants as well. As respect from one mother to another. It was a constant balancing act there for a while. And it was fun to watch our family come together through marriage, moving in together, and the birth of our twin daughters. Our family of 6 was complete❤️
Over time my husband and I found a balance consulting each other on things, talking things through, and reminding each other to back each other up as needed. Don’t get me wrong mamas we failed miserably at times. We have had arguments, we have taken the side of each of our children, we have used the words “your” “my” and “mine” instead of ours and we. But eventually we got the hang of it. Parenting your own and watching someone else parent your child can be challenging at times. And it’s a process that each blended family goes through. Some easier than others. Haley quickly became “mine” and “our kids” became our focus. Starting with changing our verbage. But as long as we have communication we have the key to unlock any issues that may come our way. I know it has worked wonders for us and has made us a lot closer over the last 6 years. And in our house we use no labels. No stepdad, stepmom, step siblings, or half siblings. We are just family. ❤️
So here is my personal mama (and a little therapist) parenting advice and tips:
1. Be consistent in your expectations, your rules, your discipline, your praising of your children it helps them develop a healthy sense of self. And let’s face it they need it in this day and age with the challenges they face.
2. Avoid fighting or arguing in front of your children. It only teaches them to do it. Anger is not inherited it’s learned. (Trust me I’ve run an anger management program for almost 8 years)
3. Spend time with your children. Be present. Leave the dishes and laundry. Leave dinner for a few more minutes. Be late one day. Plan the family vacations. Have 1:1 dates to soak in each of them and their personalities. This was huge in our household afterwards the twins were born so we made our older two feel like they were getting just as much attention as the twins were. Life is to short and they grow up to quickly.
I’ll leave you with those my mama friends. Now if you excuse me I’m headed out on a date night with my gorgeous hubby for his birthday! Couples time is equally important my dears. That is another post.
Happy living, happy laughing , happy loving!